”It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.”
”Well, do you know who you are talking to?” asked Paddy
”No,” roared the colonel.
”Well thank goodness for that,” said Paddy and hung up the phone.

A few minutes later walking down the street Ben turns to Josh. “I can’t believe we got kicked out of our own livestream”
“I know” says Josh looking at his phone. “But you should see the views we’re getting”

“See?” Said Samuel, “I knew that reading the Ten Commandments would do the trick!”
“Yes,” John replies, “we got to ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’, and I remembered where I’d left it.”

`’No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’ No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”‘ The blonde looked at the cop and said, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog”.

“why don’t you ride them to town and go see a prostitute?” Asks the officer, aghast
“it’s a three-day trip one way, sir. Just wait a couple of months and you’ll understand.”
“well I’ll never!” Fumes the officer and he storms away.
Couple of months later, of course, the officer is getting desperate. So on a dark night he sneaks to the field, picks the first camel, drops his pants and go at it.
Once he’s done, he realizes the entire camp is watching him, pointing at him, snickering and shaking their heads.
Afraid he’s just been made the butt of a practical joke, he musters whatever dignity he has left and yells at the sergeant:
“Sergeant! What is the meaning of this, you told me everyone was doing it!”
“Sir, we do. But of the whole herd you picked the ugliest.”

The patient replied, ” I’m not so mad as the rest to rush to it. There’s no way they can open it.”
The psychiatrist asked him, “Why’s that?”
“I have the key!” the patient replied

“How about that for experience?,” he crowed. “Not bad,” the bartender conceded, “but you’ll need to talk to the boss about the job.” “OK,”, the man said, “where is he?” “Well,” laughed the bartender, “he’s that bruised individual who is just now staggering back in through the front door!”