By Frank Lucasale Everyone’s travel preferences are different, which is probably why everyone has that one (or even several) dream trips they’ve been thinking about for awhile. Sometimes that involves being totally alone, no added stress of matching interests and schedules. But what should someone do when it turns out that a friend desperately wants to come with you?
A woman asked the internet for advice on what to do when she learned her friend had just invited herself to join a solo trip to Portugal she was planning. Every move she made to dissuade her didn’t land, so finally she decided to ask netizens what to do and if she was even being unreasonable in the first place.
Telling a friend “no” can be complicated
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So one woman turned to people online for advice when her friend invited herself on her trip
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: OrtsandNoughts
Image credits: Bluewater Sweden / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Solo travel is a way to just focus on yourself and your needs
Planning a solo trip is all about tailoring every detail to your own pace, interests, and need for discovery. Traveling in a group can be fun, but it often comes with all sorts of complications. One person sleeps in, one is always late, one is a picky eater and so on. So when a friend announces they’re tagging along without actually checking in, it can feel like someone has wandered onto your carefully charted and personalized map. The first step is to take a breath and make sure you understand exactly what happened, sometimes it’s a simple miscommunication rather than a deliberate assumption.
Once you’ve clarified the situation in your own mind, think about why you chose to travel alone in the first place. Perhaps it’s the solitude you crave, the opportunity for uninterrupted reflection, or the freedom to follow whims without compromise. Pinning down your personal reasons will help you explain your perspective clearly and honestly to your friend. Some folks might struggle to understand that even their friends need alone time and it’s very probably not personal. Unfortunately, the internet is full of stories that do show why some folks might not take it the right way.
Having that conversation sooner rather than later is key. A quick, direct chat, ideally in person or over the phone, gives you room to adjust bookings if necessary and prevents awkward last-minute changes. When you talk, frame your words around your needs: “I’m really looking forward to this time alone to reflect,” or “This itinerary is structured around my own interests, and I don’t want to lose that flexibility.” By using “I” statements, you keep the focus on your plans rather than on any perceived misstep by your friend. The fact is, if you let it get to the stage where your friend has already bought tickets, you’ve waited all too long.
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Honesty is important, but it’s also good to be sensitive
If you value the friendship but still want to keep this trip solo, offer an alternative outing. Suggest a weekend getaway or a shorter adventure that suits you both. This shows you appreciate their enthusiasm and enjoy their company, just not on this particular journey. If you truly need the trip to be alone, be firm and kind in your boundary-setting: “I hope you understand, I really need this time to travel solo.” The truth is, if your friend does feel like they are getting enough of your attention, they should understand. At the same time, it’s true, sometimes people have abandonment issues and might struggle.
Many of the readers suggested this, to be clear that this is and should be a solo trip, but that you can do more together in the future. Unfortunately, time is of the essence, since it gets a lot harder to cancel things the closer you get to them. In this case, perhaps in the worst scenario, the friend can go on the trip and both can just do things separately.
Your friend might feel disappointed or even a little hurt, and that’s okay. Give them space to process, and stay calm if they react emotionally. Remember that their impulse likely sprang from excitement rather than disregard for your plans. Once you’ve made your position clear, wrap up any logistical changes, cancel that extra hotel bed or amend your restaurant reservations, then refocus on the adventure ahead.
Solo travel is a form of self-care, a chance to disconnect and recharge on your own terms. Protecting that intention isn’t selfish; it’s essential. By approaching the situation with honesty, respect, and a dash of empathy, you’ll keep your travel dreams intact, and preserve the friendship for the many journeys you might take together in the future. The fact is that forcing yourself to have this trip the way you don’t want it will just breed resentment. If she wants to preserve this friendship, it’s important to realize that short term discomfort is still a better option than secretly hating her forever.