ladies were cooing over how identical they were. One Senior lady asks How do you tell them apart?”
The new mother said “I tell them apart by their Balls” The senior ladies gasped, clutching their pearls” Then the new Mom points and says “That one Bawls all night, and that one Bawls all day.
There you go, a nursing home joke that still gives me the giggles.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candle light, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
An old woman had two chickens. One got sick. So she made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well .
A psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said ok you’re ugly too.
Will I still be able to drive with this hand?” “Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on it.“
“I have never called an apprentice by his first name! What’s your last name, son?”
“It’s Darling, sir.”
“All right then, Charlie. Let’s start shovelling some coal…”
“They’re not for me. They’re for Billy here. We saw a TV commercial that said if you wear them you can swim or ride a bike and Billy can’t do either yet.”
There’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”
The guy looks over and says, “thanks, but my name isn’t Bill”
The surgeon says, “I know. I’m Bill.”
“Who’s the idiot who named a parrot Moses?”
The parrot answers:
“The same idiot that named the pitbull Jesus”.
“Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied: “Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
predicament:Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like wont be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa
A few days later he received this letter from his son:
Dear Pop, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie
At 6 am the next morning, FBl agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie
